Is cheating a deal-breaker?

This is a question for all of my readers out there. Recently, I was hanging with 2 of my friends and we started talking about infidelity in relationships. It just so happened that my two friends had completely opposite (and very strong) viewpoints about infidelity.  It was very amusing and intriguing for me to play moderator (and also poke holes in each of their arguments). Never mind the copious amounts of alcohol and the sexual tension that was also present in the room. Anyway, here are their arguments:

Friend 1: If you touch another dude or flirt with another dude, that’s ok, but if you have sex with another dude, then I consider that to be cheating. If you cheat on me, there must be something that you’re looking for that I’m not providing. I also think that cheating means your love for me isn’t really there. I don’t care if you were drunk or had a moment of weakness. I also don’t care if you don’t have feelings for the person with whom you cheated. If you cheat on me, that will kill my love for you completely.

Friend 2: A moment of weakness won’t kill a relationship for me. I will be angry and hurt, but having sex with someone else won’t necesarily break the relationship. The only thing that will definitely break up the relationship is if you’ve been carrying on a love affair with another person or people. But I don’t consider a one-time indiscretion to be a deal-breaker.

My question to my readers is, does cheating (i.e. having sex with someone outside of a relationship) mean the relationship automatically ends? Or are you willing to forgive someone who cheats on you? Discuss. I’ll post what I think in a follow-up post.

Fred pt 1.

I have a friend who I’ll call Fred. I started talking to Fred in May of 2006 on that cave of wonders known as a4a. We clicked instantly and eventually met up and started hanging out on a regular basis. Looking back, we had a lot of fun together that summer. At the time, I had only been messin’ with dudes for a few months, so I would often ask him for advice about different situations. He was a few years older and more experienced, so he had a lot of wisdom to share. When I had an HIV scare, he was the first person I called. He was basically the older brother I never had. I looked up to him and respected him.

He also seemed to have a lot respect for me. One time he invited me over to his place and we were talking and eventually got on the topic of stalkers and pesky friends. He mentioned that only a select few were privileged enough to come over to his place. He may not have even realized it, but that comment made me feel hella good. I’ll never forget the way he hugged me one day when we were coming back from a party. It was an innocent hug, but it started something in me which continues to this day. But that’s another post.

Fred moved out of state for work in late 2007. I was kinda bummed, but we stayed in touch and he would come to town every now and again and we would kick it. At the end of last year, Fred moved back to this state to do grad school in another town that’s about 90 minutes away from where I live (large U.S. city). Fred and I have kept up the friendship and are still cool, but there’s something that he’s been doing that is really starting to get on my nerves…..To be continued