….I’m sure that anyone who has ever swum in the dating pool knows about the dreaded blow off. It’s when a guy communicates his loss of interest in a you by abruptly ceasing all communication and contact.
I recently experienced the blow off with a guy that I had been seeing for a couple months. We’ll call him Justice. Justice is a guy that hit me up on a4a several months ago. He’s 35, 5’10, about 200 pounds, has a muscular build and smooth dark skin. He’s what you might call hot chocolate. We had exchanged several messages on a4a and one day he sent me his number. I called him and we had a great conversation, which stretched on for hours. It was clear that we were really digging each other, and before you knew it, we were talking and texting daily. Dealing with him was very refreshing because he was attentive and always reciprocated, which is a huge deal to me.
Although he lived about 40 minutes across town, we started hanging out regularly. Sex eventually entered the equation, and it was mind-blowingly good because there was the physical connection, but also a mental and emotional connection. Things were going great with Justice and I even started to get nervous (but very excited) because it was looking like this situation was heading towards a relationship…..then, came the blow off.
The shift was pretty dramatic. He went from texting me randomly and constantly to not communicating with me at all. If I texted him, he would respond hours later, or not at all. If I called him, he wouldn’t respond, or would respond the next day with a text. One day, we agreed to meet up at his place to watch a movie and when I texted him to see what was up, he responded that he wouldn’t be home until late at night because he was called in to work overtime. However, he promised me that he we would be able to hang out the next week once he got off the overtime list. Next week came and went and I didn’t hear from him. Almost 2 weeks later, I still haven’t heard from him. I’ve thought about calling him to get to the bottom of things, but I believe that it will likely be the same story: there will be a delay, followed by an excuse, followed by a promise, followed by more silence. I’m going to hit him up one more time just to remove any doubt that I’ve been blown off, but I’m considering the whole thing with Justice dunzo.
I’m cool with it, though I was initially disappointed and perplexed at what caused him to blow me off like that. He seemed to be really into me, so maybe he got scared about where things were heading. Maybe someone more appealing to him came into the picture. Maybe I did or said something that turned him all the way off. I’ll likely never know, and I’ve realized that I can’t waste energy trying to ascertain the motives that drove his behavior. The bottom line is that he suddenly went cut off contact and communication, which is a clear enough message for me. Now it’s possible that he sustained a devastating injury or a serious death in the family which caused him to not call. I guess nothing soothes debilitating injuries or unbearable grief like logging into a4a regularly 
I enjoyed it for what it was and I think the whole thing helped me reaffirm my expectations for what I want out of dating and relationships. A little birdie told me that Justice is apparently a highly sought after dude who is notorious for dropping dudes after sexing them on the first night. My ego can’t help but be stroked by the fact that I was able to keep his attention for as long as I did. At any rate, upwards and onwards.
For someone who just months ago said men are only good for sex, that’s a really quick turn around to start throwing out words like “dating” and “relationships.”
Its clear he’s commitment-phobic and ran the moment he realized more was being expected from him. Sticking around for more than a week shows remarkable fortitude on your part but i do not recommend hitting him up again. I’m weary of meeting men on the internet for the very thing that happened in this entry. It’s rife with emotional unavailability and falsehoods.
But i think we all try to rationalize what went wrong in these situations. I’m gunna go out on a limb here and say you were not at fault for being yourself. Most likely he’s the type to stick around for a while and get all the sex and attention out of any situation until he grows tired of it or has to start following through on his words. This pattern he’s established will definitely continue as long as there are men who he can easily access on the internet who will sleep with him before they require for him to make a commitment.
Lol I made those comments in a moment of extreme frustration and disappointment. I’ve always been relationship and dating oriented, but it seems that no matter who I meet, having sex as quickly possible is their dominant agenda. Of course, I’ve met guys who were exceptions to that rule, but they have been few and far between. I admit that comment is extreme and inflammatory, but it comes from a place of dissatisfaction with the hyper-sexual dynamics of gay dating.
With regards to Justice, I agree with your very last point. He’ll always have a steady supply of guys ready to jump his bones without thinking. I think that is owed to the fact that he has looks and body, so he never feels pressure to change his behavior. At some point I questioned whether I had gotten caught up in his looks, but I can honestly say that I was attracted to what I thought was a good personality. The looks were just a secondary factor.
I definitely won’t contact him again. I’m slightly bummed, but mostly ok with the situation because I’ve come to realize that I’m hardly the only one that gets blown off by guys who pretend to be serious and sincere. Several of my friends have argued that the internet is garbage and that clubs are a better alternative for meeting people. From my own experience, the same bullshit you find on the internet also runs rampant on the club scene, so it’s a matter of picking your poison. I’m still looking for an alternative to clubs and the internet lol.
I wonder if I’ve come across you on a4a? lol
I can’t even be pissed at guys that give you the “blow off”, when I can recall several times when I’ve done the same. I think we all do. In all fairness, I don’t think I’ve really, REALLY vibed with a guy and got really involved and pulled away. I’ve probably developed a few flirtatious encounters and it eventually faded.
Overall internet dating is nothing more than a wasteland. The SAME guys either portraying themselves to be something they aren’t and telling you what you want to hear or the poor souls really trying to find something real when it just isn’t there.
Wasteland is a fantastic word lol. As many have said before, it’s not worth trying to figure out, but there’s a part of me that stubbornly must understand WHY. I’ll admit that I’ve passed on my fair share of guys, but that’s usually before we got really involved. The problem with guys that act like that is that it makes it harder to think that someone won’t do something like disappearing completely after a year of dating.
I’m terrified of being dropped like that after a year of being together. All that emotional investment thrown out the window like it didn’t mean anything. And then having to subsequently pick up the pieces and then start over again? I’m not sure i could handle that.