In my last post, I was talking about my friend/love interest, Fred. As I said, he recently started going to school in a nearby town after having lived out-of-state for a couple years. And as I also said, he’s doing something that is bugging me.
Fred goes to school in another town, but he comes to my city almost every weekend. He lives only 90 minutes away, and the town where he goes to school is boooring. Also, he was based here before moving out of state, so he knows a lot people here and frequently comes down here to chill. Which should be great for me, except I hardly ever see him. In the last 6 months since Fred started school in his nearby town, I’ve seen him about 3 times. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if Fred wasn’t down here almost every weekend. Last month, he was in town 3 weeks in a row and that fool didn’t even so much as hit me up. Not once. He called me yesterday and he mentioned that he was in town and even ran into this dude we both know named Venom. Venom is a dude that I hardly even know, but he’s notable for reasons I’ll get into another time. Anyway, I was kind of relieved that Fred told me that he had been coming to town; it meant that he wasn’t trying to hide shit or be shady. But at the same time, he didn’t call me! It didn’t even occur to him. I thought about calling him on it, but I didn’t want to seem clingy in any way, shape or form, so I let it be. In fact, I always do my best to act kind of nonchalant around Fred by spacing out calls, not answering immediately…shit like that. Seems kinda weird to do since I was just complaining that he didn’t call me, right?
Here’s the thing. I mentioned before that there was one time when Fred hugged me in gratitude for going to his boy(friend)’s going away party (didn’t like that boy, but that’s another story). Anyway, it was just your typical man-hug, nothing special. However, when he put his arm around me and I was hugged up close to him like that…..it just felt so good. No dude as ever made me feel like that. And it was that precise moment that made me know that Fred was more than just a good friend. I was falling for him.
Like I also mentioned, he moved away, came back, yada yada yada. I eventually got tired of suppressing my feelings, so I finally told just told him one day over the phone. Yada yada yada, he didn’t see me like that, etc. etc. didn’t want to lose my friendship etc. etc. wasn’t looking for a relationship. etc. He said that he had known for a while, but was waiting for me to come and tell him. I was kinda pissed at myself, because that means I didn’t do a good job of hiding it. He said he could tell because I seemed to take what he said really seriously and he caught the subtle change in my expression when a douchebag friend of suggested hooking Fred and Venom up. Yeah that shit pissed me off, but I’ll explain it some other time. Anyway, the cat was out of the bag. I felt relieved, but was disappointed that Fred didn’t feel the same way. But it was all good and still is.
So, for that reason, I try to maintain a chill vibe when I’m talking to Fred. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or mistakenly convey that I’m bitter about him rejecting me. I’m not. However, the friend in me (and the lover in me) wish we could kick it more. I think that would make it easier to get over him. Good thing is that when he called me yesterday, he hinted that he kinda wanted me to call more (as a friend). So it feels good to know that our friendship is still on track despite him moving and me telling him that I like him etc etc. Anyway, that’s enough about Fred for now. But stay tuned…you’ll definitely be hearing more about Fred in the future.
