Time Capsule

It’s been a minute since I first started talking to other dudes. It’s been an……interesting journey, but I’ve learned a lot along the way. There have been a lot of ups and a lot of downs, but I’m definitely much wiser than I was before. I sometimes wish I could take all of my knowledge and experiences, put them in a time capsule and send them back in time a few years tothe moody605 that had never been with another dude. Too bad I can’t do that. However, if I could, here are some bits advice I would send back:

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
With black gay men, if they’re acting like they’re not interested in a second date, it’s because they really aren’t interested in a second date. If they seem like they’re cheating, there’s a good chance they actually are. Learn to recognize the warning signs early on. Of course, you don’t want to be too paranoid and read too much meaning into someone’s actions. Nonetheless, if you see smoke, then prepare for a possible fire and take the necessary steps to avoid getting burned. cheating.

Personality is what counts, but most won’t see that.
You may be an incredible person, but if you’re short, fat, dark-skinned, a bad dresser, effeminate, over 35 or in any other way “undesirable,” you’re at a disadvantage. Men respond to good looks and black gay men are no exception. You might get passed over because of some physical imperfection, even if you’re intelligent, kind and successful. It may hurt, but remember that the ones who are obsessed with the physical and the material are probably not worth your time.

Keep the 3rd parties out of your relationship.
It’s nice to have someone to confide in about your relationship woes, but be wary of their “advice”. Are they telling you to do or say something they wouldn’t even do themselves? Have they had a history of failed relationships that would discredit their advice? Could they possibly be envious of your relationship? Ask yourself these questions and take any advice (especially if it’s unsolicited) with a grain of salt.

Pace yourself.
When you meet someone that you’re really attracted to, it’s tempting to get caught up and move at 200 mph. It’s also quite dangerous. You’ve got to allow time for a person’s true intentions to show, otherwise you run the risk of getting deeply hurt. Ol’ Tyrone might seem really sexy, successful, funny and trustworthy. That might be the real him and that might not be. There’s no way to be 100% sure, but you can give yourself a fighting chance by getting to know him well before you decide to take any huge leaps.

Move on.
Don’t sit licking your wounds. Keep moving. If you get stood up, don’t let it ruin your night. Just make new plans. If you’re significant other plays you like a saxophone, let him go and focus on bettering yourself. If your friend cuts you off for no reason, don’t sit and mourn the loss excessively. Go out and meet people to remind yourself you got a lot to offer. Now I’m not saying your heart should be ice-cold, but don’t waste any unnecessary emotion on someone who isn’t worthy of your love. Keep your head up and look to the future.

Always use condoms (correctly) no matter what.
HIV is out of control among black gay men. Some sources have indicated that incidence rates are as high as 48% among blackmen who have sex with men. Some guys have it and don’t know it. Other guys have it, know it, but choose not to mention it. There is a tremendous stigma associated with HIV and that stigma has led to a fear, ignorance and secrecy. Because of all of this, always use condoms when having sex with someone of unknown status. Don’t take someone’s word for it. Ever. It could cost you your life.

~moody605