Speaking of rejection….

{ April 26, 2009 @ 8:15 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I was on that delicious treasure trove known as bgclive today and I rejected someone and then was rejected by someone else all in a matter of minutes!  The first dude I rejected was an overeager 19 year-old that kept bombarding me with messages. That was a turn-off. He also had ass pics as his main pictures. Not necessarily a bad thing, unless your ass is flabby and unattractive, like his was. And I have to digress and say that people, if your body is unappealing (you know who you are), don’t show it off. It looks silly when you’re wearing a thong with mounds of fat hanging off. I have nothing against fat people, but I believe that everyone should dress (or undress) according to their body. Having a less-than-stellar body is not a crime, but flaunting that crap is!

Back to the 19 year-old from bgc….like I said, I wasn’t really feeling him, but I didn’t want to be an asshole so I answered all his excessive messages. Then he wanted to see my pics. See, all my pics on that wonderful fountain of quality are private pictures, and I’m kinda selective about who I show them to. If you ask to see my pics, you gotta have yours open, or I won’t show them to you. If you come across as clingy, messy or stalkerish, then I definitely won’t show them to you. I told him that if he wanted to see mine, he should unlock his first. It’s only fair. He did, and I wasn’t feeling him. Not that he looked that terrible, but he didn’t look good enough to mitigate the fact that he was too young and clingy for me. So opening my pics was out of the question. So I told him point blank that I wasn’t interested. He wanted to know why. I told him that I didn’t find him attractive. He wanted to go back and forth and just as I was about to block him, he took his leave.

What happened next was karma working. I saw this nice-looking guy online. I noticed that he had a 100 page essay in his profile. I should have already known this wasn’t gonna go anywhere; from my experience, dudes with novels for profiles are full of crap. But I read that garbage anyway and decided to hit up his long-winded ass. We exchanged a few messages and then he wanted to see my pics. His precise words were “Blah blah blah so unlock pic guy,” which I found to be incredibly corny for some reason. Any, I unlocked my shit and he responded that he thought I was cute. Obviously not cute enough though, because after a few messages, he stopped responding.  I could see that he had opened my last message, which contained a question, but there was no answer. I sent another message to try and jumpstart the convo, but still got nothing, so I’m considering it a rejection.

Then I got hit up by another late 30’s dude that I had met a few weeks ago. When he first hit me up a few weeks ago, he professed his desire for friends and meaningful relationship and blah blah BLAH. I said I was interested in the same, and after some chatting I decided, stupidly, to meet him at his place. I got there and we made some small talk. Everything was ok until he started saying he wanted to fuck me bareback. Wow, what an awesome deal! Having bareback sex with a total stranger! I mean, it’s not like HIV is really that common among black gay men anyway! And even if he has HIV, it’s not like I’ll get it because he swore he wouldn’t come in me! I was totally disgusted and started to leave. He starts begging me to stay and pr Fast-forward a few weeks to today. Just after I got rejected by E.Lynn Harris 2, this guy hit me up again talkin’ all that friendship crap again. Then he asked to see my pics, so I concluded that he had forgotten he’d already hit me up or maybe was hoping that I had forgotten. In any case, I just flat out ignored him.

So as you can see I’m 0 for 3. Those stats can only lead me to one conclusion. I LOVE BGC!!!

Rejection

{ April 23, 2009 @ 5:24 am } · { Uncategorized }
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A few years ago, I experienced my first rejection with a guy. I won’t go into the gory details, but let’s just say I was down for a few days (I even lost sleep because of it). It was a very disappointing experience and it’s not something I like to think about too much. The actual rejection itself was difficult to handle, but I don’t like thinking about the things that it led me to do. It sucked, but I’ve grown a lot stronger as a person in the last 3 years. Thinking back on it now, though it still stings a little, it’s hard to believe that I let some punk ass dude make me feel that way. Since then, I’ve developed a much better perspective on rejection and how to handle it.

Don’t get me wrong, I still hate rejection. But I’ve become pretty good at dealing with it. Nowadays, I don’t miss a beat when things don’t work out with a guy. I’ve also realized that a vast majority of the romantic let-downs I’ve experienced involved guys that were were garbage anyway. And I’m not sour-graping it; they really weren’t worth thinking about. I was just caught up chasing them and got disappointed when the chase proved unsuccessful. I could have been chasing a John McCain look-alike, and been bummed if he somehow rejected me.

As I said before, things are way different these days. Over the past 2 months, I’ve been “talking” to this guy I met at a party. Things haven’t been working out (he doesn’t seem very interested), but the me from 3 years ago would have been hella depressed about the situation. The me of today was bummed for 3 nanoseconds, then kept it moving. In addition, I realized that I wasn’t really that into the guy to begin with. His body is real nice, his face is ok, but he has mush for brains. I feel like I’m carrying on a conversation with an 16 year-0ld wannabe playboy thug. Which wouldn’t be that bad if he wasn’t 30. So it’s cool if he’s not interested in me, because I’m not all that into him either. And as the commandment says, ”Thou shalt move on to the  next!”

Christian the Lion

{ April 20, 2009 @ 6:14 am } · { Uncategorized }
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A friend of mine showed me this clip and youtube and I think it was really amazing. It definitely tugs at your heart strings.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjWtRYaxmWM

been a while/annoying friends

{ March 13, 2009 @ 4:22 am } · { Life lessons }
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Wow it’s been a long ass time since I posted on here. I didn’t mean to leave you guys hanging, but school and life got in the way big time. School — that’s self-explanatory. Life — I’ve been dealing with a lot of family drama (it got really bad during the holiday season) and it’s the kind of stuff that weighs on you constantly. I actually don’t want to think about it right now, so I’m going to change the subject. Thanks to all the people who read this thing (didn’t know I had so many visitors).

Looking over the few posts I’ve done, I realized that I’ve held back a little. I’ve been too concerned with what people might think of my thoughts and actions, so I’ve sugar-coated, cleaned-up and even omitted things. I’ve decided that I’m not going to do that anymore. This blog is primarily for me; it’s a form if therapy if you will. As I said before, I appreciate those of you who read this blog, but I have to be true to myself. That means you get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. And trust me, there’s plenty of each.

That said, I was pretty excited about my approaching Spring Break, until a few minutes ago. Basically, I found out via Facebook that a friend of mine is going to be out of town on business, thus destroying the Spring Break plans we had made. I’m bummed about it because it was going to be a lot of fun, but I’ll get over it. What’s really irking me is the fact that she still hasn’t called me to say that the whole thing is off. I already called her 2 weeks ago to get the scoop and she told me she would get back to me last week with finalized details. Of course, her ass has not called me and I will not be surprised if I don’t hear from her at all. I just wish I had discovered that she was going out of town sooner, so I would have had time to make alternate plans. Man that’s one thing that some of my friends do that I hate. If you know you can’t follow through, have the courtesy to let a brotha know. Don’t leave my ass hanging thinking that Spring Break is gonna be on point when all I really have to look forward to is chaperoning my little brother’s birthday party. Happy Spring Break!!!

~moody605

Why I’m Single

{ November 6, 2008 @ 7:17 am } · { Love Life }
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Man I really hate being single. Some of you might scoff at that sentiment, but what you don’t realize is that I’ve been single all my life. I’m approaching my mid-twenties, but I’ve never been in anything that even resembled a romantic relationship. No girlfriend, no boyfriend, no nothing. I’ve always hid behind and overplayed my shy and quiet demeanor to explain my lack of girlfriend to my loved ones. Add to this my nerdish nature (again a gross over-exaggeration) and it would be probably a surprise to those around me if I had had a girlfriend. I’ve had a few close female friends that my parents assumed that I liked or was dating, and I again I’ve always played into those assumptions.

By now, I’ve realized that I’m primarily into the dudes and have spent the last couple of years trying to explore that aspect. It’s been a very frustrating experience and time and time again, I’ve asked myself ‘what am I doing wrong?’ Until now, I haven’t been able to figure out why I haven’t had any male on male relationships, but here’s what I’ve finally come up with.

1. I’m not out. My thinking is that it’s easier for straight people to get in and out of relationships because it’s easy for them to be upfront about their feelings. Same with gay people who are out. They are upfront about their sexuality, so they get more people coming at them. Compare this to someone like me on the DL. I want dudes to holla, but they don’t know I like dudes, so they don’t come at me.

2. I don’t look like a model. I’m cute, but I’m no Boris Kodjoe. I don’t have this sick body or anything like that. I’ve dealt with dudes in the past that were good-looking enough that other supposedly ’straight’ dudes would take a risk and try to holla at them. I’m not stunningly good-looking, so no one has ever tried to come at me like that. It’s possible that they liked me, but didn’t find me good-looking enough to take the risk of telling me.

3. Maybe I’m too dark. I hate to bring up colorism, but it’s alive and well among black people. I’ve noticed that black gay men seem to have this obsession with light skin. The lighter you are, the more attractive you’re perceived to be. Some might argue, but I have observed this many, many, many times. I’ve often thought that if I were lighter, I’d probably have a much better love life. I used to be really proud of my dark skin color (black don’t crack!) but now it’s just makes me insecure.

4. I rely on the internet. Because I’m not out, I don’t go to gay clubs and don’t have enough courage to holla at guys in public, I’ve resorted to using sites like BGC and adam4adam, with disappointing and disastrous results. I don’t want to go into all the drama, heartache and compromising situations I’ve put myself in, but I will say that the internet is the last place you should go if you’re looking for a black dude looking for a meaningful connection with another black dude. Recently, I’ve deleted my profiles from those sites and don’t plan on getting back on any time soon.

5. I’m too educated. I’m not an elitist (I hate them) and have never bragged about the fact that I’m in college, have a pretty good vocabulary and like to have deep conversations. I don’t look down on anyone and just ask that you be a decent person, be you a thug, gangsta, nigga, nerd, ostrich or whatever. However, I’ve met several black men who have been intimidated by my intelligence and even tried to put me down because of it. It’s usually the fake thugs and the fake-thug-enthusiasts that act like that.

6. I’m only into black dudes. This, of course, limits my options. I’ve actually become open to the idea of dating a non-black dude, but I’m hesitant because I don’t want someone to be obsessed with my “big black cock” or to fetishize me in any other way. Yuck.

It’s great that I realize what may be holding me back, but it’s also incredibly frustrating at the same time. Virtually of these things are either unchangeable or would require some excessive sacrifice to change. So where do I go from here? Quite frankly, I’m not really sure. The only thing that I can think of is if I start working out and get into really good shape, I might be perceived as more attractive and therefore have a better shot. That sounds really silly and simplistic, but again, it’s the only thing I can think of. What do you guys think?

Yes We Can….Yes We Did

{ November 6, 2008 @ 5:54 am } · { Life lessons }
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What’s up people?

It’s been a minute since I’ve posted. I’ve been here several times and even logged in, but haven’t found the time to post. Yes, I’ve been extremely busy with school and work, but I could have still made posts. I guess I’ve just been feeling lazy and uninspired. No worries, today is a new day and I’m definitely going to make an effort to post regularly. I need a way to vent my thoughts and I’m sure you guys just love reading the salacious details of my life.

Switching gears, you’ve no doubt heard that last night, Tuesday, November 4th, 2008, the United States of America elected its first African-American president, Barack Hussein Obama II. I was watching the CNN election coverage last night and, I’ll be honest, I was very nervous. I was so afraid that Barack wouldn’t be elected because of others’ bigotry that my hands were shaking. When CNN announced that Barack had won Ohio, I shrieked (I am usually very cool, calm and collected). And when CNN projected that Obama would become our 44th president, I almost cried. Such a momentous, emotional, poignant and important moment in history for all of us.

Of course, this means that this country is going to take a new, wonderful direction. The road is going to be very difficult, but I believe that Barack Obama has the chops to get the job done. That’s why I’ve been a supporter since February of 2007, that’s why I donated money to his campaign and that’s why I waited in a long-ass line to vote for him. After 8 years under the terrible Bush administration, he is just what the doctor ordered.This election has great personal meaning for me as well.  Seeing him step into the highest office in the land has reminded me that I can do any fucking thing that I put my mind to. It’s that simple. No more fear or self-doubt. Just 3 simple words. Yes I can. Barack, thank you and godspeed.

Messin’ with a porn star

{ September 30, 2008 @ 12:11 am } · { Sex life }
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Soooo….I was handling my business the other day and I was utilizing some porn to help me get things done. I was just browsing various sites and I happened to come across one pic of these dudes having a threesome. There were two top dudes and one bottom dude. In the pic, bottom dude was getting smashed and had the most ridiculous look on his face. It actually turned me off. As I’m reaching to hit the back button I go……….waaaaait a MINUTE. I know this ridiculous-looking bottom. I looked carefully at his face to make sure my eyes weren’t playing tricks and I was like…yep. That’s him. I quickly log on to bgc and double check his profile. Yep. That is him.

This guy, who we’ll call Bottom Boy, was a dude I met from bgc about a year and a half ago. His profile was kinda ridiculous-looking because he had something to the effect of ‘I piss liquid gold, shit honey out my ass and flowers spring up on the ground wherever I walk.’ Totally conceited. And what’s worse, he didn’t really have the goods to back it up. His face was aight and his body was aight, but he had it oiled up like some kinda stripper or model. Even what he had on in the pics was ridiculous looking. The profile screamed “I’m too sexy for myself.” I’m surprised he didn’t have that as one of his videos. And you know what’s even more ridiculous? I decided to hit him up.

Cutting to the chase, I was on my way to Bottom Boy’s crib. Looking back, I think I was just horny and kinda curious to see what this dude was like in person. Anyway, I get to his crib and he let’s me in, but says he has to jump in the shower right quick. He comes out, takes his towel off and gets in the bed. Again, his body was pretty tight (not tight enough to justify the bullshit in his profile) but it wasn’t bad. I was definitely into it and started sucking his nipples. He must have really had sensitive nipples because he started moaning screaming in pleasure. In my head I was like WTF, but I just keep going. He screams again and this time I catch a whiff of his breath. This dude’s breath smelled like the morning breath of someone who had not brushed his teeth in weeks, had been gargling toilet water, and had just finished eating someone’s ass. It reeked. I’m usually really irritated by bad breath (if you’re gonna meet someone, HANDLE YOUR BREATH), but this time it was kinda funny because his terrible breath contrasted sharply with his wannabe-pretty-boy image. He seemed to be getting sleepy (it was like 4 in the morning) and I was over it, so I suggested that we continue another time and took my leave.

Seeing Bottom Boy on that porn site was kinda surprising but kinda not. It was surprising because he certainly didn’t mention that he was a porn star, but it wasn’t because he was very vain and probably thought he looked good enough to be in adult films. Have any of you ever messed with a porn star? Would you, if you have had the opportunity?

Bitchassness

{ September 25, 2008 @ 11:57 pm } · { Life lessons }
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Diddy was right….bitchassness is an epidemic in the black community. It seems like more and more young black men are going the way of the bitchass. I don’t know how this epidemic got started, but I hope that one day this disease can be completely eradicated from our population. That may be tricky though, because it has many manifestations. Here are just some of them:

1. You have a problem wit somebody — beef with your roommate, a friend said something that pissed you off, etc. — and instead of going directly to that person and handling your beef, you go around talkin’ shit behind the person’s back like a little gossip girl. You NEVER bring up the problem with the person and you even have the audacity to ask them for favors after trashing them behind their back. BITCHASS.

2. Someone you know gets a  new boyfriend. You should be happy for them, but you’re jealous. (Never mind the fact that you get tons of attention from dudes and are juggling about 5 of them at the present moment. I guess guys are only allowed to holla at you.) Anyway, instead of handling your unwarranted jealousy in a healthy manner, you go the way of the bitchass. You get all competitive and try to find you a new dick to add to your collection. But you get caught fucking your new jumpoff and end up losing all your other jumpoffs in the process. BITCHASS and DUMBASS.

3. You borrow a very large sum of money from someone, claiming you’re in an emergency (it later comes out that you used the money to go see a guy that dropped your ass in less than a week). You swear to pay it back promptly, but you never do. However, you continue to floss, jet set and buy expensive, extravagant shit. You get a polite request to repay the money and grudgingly return only 10% of the original sum, leaving the rest of loan unpaid indefinitely. BITCHASS.

Like I said, these are just a few of many manifestations of the bitchassness virus. Readers, what forms of bitchassness have you observed in your daily lives? Please, go to the comment section and discuss.

Time Capsule

{ September 21, 2008 @ 10:31 pm } · { Life lessons }
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It’s been a minute since I first started talking to other dudes. It’s been an……interesting journey, but I’ve learned a lot along the way. There have been a lot of ups and a lot of downs, but I’m definitely much wiser than I was before. I sometimes wish I could take all of my knowledge and experiences, put them in a time capsule and send them back in time a few years tothe moody605 that had never been with another dude. Too bad I can’t do that. However, if I could, here are some bits advice I would send back:

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.
With black gay men, if they’re acting like they’re not interested in a second date, it’s because they really aren’t interested in a second date. If they seem like they’re cheating, there’s a good chance they actually are. Learn to recognize the warning signs early on. Of course, you don’t want to be too paranoid and read too much meaning into someone’s actions. Nonetheless, if you see smoke, then prepare for a possible fire and take the necessary steps to avoid getting burned. cheating.

Personality is what counts, but most won’t see that.
You may be an incredible person, but if you’re short, fat, dark-skinned, a bad dresser, effeminate, over 35 or in any other way “undesirable,” you’re at a disadvantage. Men respond to good looks and black gay men are no exception. You might get passed over because of some physical imperfection, even if you’re intelligent, kind and successful. It may hurt, but remember that the ones who are obsessed with the physical and the material are probably not worth your time.

Keep the 3rd parties out of your relationship.
It’s nice to have someone to confide in about your relationship woes, but be wary of their “advice”. Are they telling you to do or say something they wouldn’t even do themselves? Have they had a history of failed relationships that would discredit their advice? Could they possibly be envious of your relationship? Ask yourself these questions and take any advice (especially if it’s unsolicited) with a grain of salt.

Pace yourself.
When you meet someone that you’re really attracted to, it’s tempting to get caught up and move at 200 mph. It’s also quite dangerous. You’ve got to allow time for a person’s true intentions to show, otherwise you run the risk of getting deeply hurt. Ol’ Tyrone might seem really sexy, successful, funny and trustworthy. That might be the real him and that might not be. There’s no way to be 100% sure, but you can give yourself a fighting chance by getting to know him well before you decide to take any huge leaps.

Move on.
Don’t sit licking your wounds. Keep moving. If you get stood up, don’t let it ruin your night. Just make new plans. If you’re significant other plays you like a saxophone, let him go and focus on bettering yourself. If your friend cuts you off for no reason, don’t sit and mourn the loss excessively. Go out and meet people to remind yourself you got a lot to offer. Now I’m not saying your heart should be ice-cold, but don’t waste any unnecessary emotion on someone who isn’t worthy of your love. Keep your head up and look to the future.

Always use condoms (correctly) no matter what.
HIV is out of control among black gay men. Some sources have indicated that incidence rates are as high as 48% among blackmen who have sex with men. Some guys have it and don’t know it. Other guys have it, know it, but choose not to mention it. There is a tremendous stigma associated with HIV and that stigma has led to a fear, ignorance and secrecy. Because of all of this, always use condoms when having sex with someone of unknown status. Don’t take someone’s word for it. Ever. It could cost you your life.

~moody605