Is cheating a deal-breaker?

This is a question for all of my readers out there. Recently, I was hanging with 2 of my friends and we started talking about infidelity in relationships. It just so happened that my two friends had completely opposite (and very strong) viewpoints about infidelity.  It was very amusing and intriguing for me to play moderator (and also poke holes in each of their arguments). Never mind the copious amounts of alcohol and the sexual tension that was also present in the room. Anyway, here are their arguments:

Friend 1: If you touch another dude or flirt with another dude, that’s ok, but if you have sex with another dude, then I consider that to be cheating. If you cheat on me, there must be something that you’re looking for that I’m not providing. I also think that cheating means your love for me isn’t really there. I don’t care if you were drunk or had a moment of weakness. I also don’t care if you don’t have feelings for the person with whom you cheated. If you cheat on me, that will kill my love for you completely.

Friend 2: A moment of weakness won’t kill a relationship for me. I will be angry and hurt, but having sex with someone else won’t necesarily break the relationship. The only thing that will definitely break up the relationship is if you’ve been carrying on a love affair with another person or people. But I don’t consider a one-time indiscretion to be a deal-breaker.

My question to my readers is, does cheating (i.e. having sex with someone outside of a relationship) mean the relationship automatically ends? Or are you willing to forgive someone who cheats on you? Discuss. I’ll post what I think in a follow-up post.

I’m back…

Hi everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted. These past few weeks, I’ve been going through some serious personal shit. I’m usually able to take that stuff in stride, but I reached my breaking point. What followed was a rough patch where I didn’t want to do anything or talk to anybody. I was even about to delete my blog and call it a day.

I’m feeling a lot better now. I think happiness is a choice and I decided that I wasn’t going to let my problems and unfortunate circumstances get me down. Why wallow in sadness, when I can get up and improve my situation? And why should I be down when there are so many things I can be thankful for? Great family (for the most part), great friends (near and far) new challenges, good health, beautiful fall weather, a good education and so much more. I’m just gonna live my life like it’s golden and not let anything hold me down.

moody605

More of the Tangled Web

One of my readers, YB&DL, had asked me a couple of questions regarding my Tangled Web post.  If you haven’t already read it, go back and do so. Everything will make a lot more sense if you do. The questions were more or less 1. had I ever talked to Joe about the fact that we both had screwed Tyrone and Tyson? and  2. considering how tangled the web was, had I ever heard anything unflattering about  anybody in the web? The short answers to both of those questions are yes and yes. The long answer follows.

Tyson – This is a dude I met in April of 2007. He was a DL frat dude  and our whole interaction started off as a hook up in his dorm room. He was attractive physically (think Common), but I wasn’t into him in a romantic sense. We continued talking and fucking regularly, but we lost touch after a while. We reconnected in April of 2008 and I found out that he had liked me a lot and went through this big depression because he felt I had led him on. I had been aware that he liked me, but I didn’t feel the same way about him and made it clear (I thought) that we were just friends with benefits.

Tyrone – Tyrone is a dude that I met in the summer of 2007. That summer was my “cruel summer” where I was very isolated from my friends and going through a serious dry spell in terms of dating. I met Tyrone from a4a and we decided to meet up at his place. When I got there, I was pleasantly surprised.  Tyrone was 6′0, dark-skinned, very muscular build, nice smile — very attractive. Looked nothing like his picture, which was a good thing this time around. We chatted and winded up fucking, but I was rather disappointed and unsatisfied because he was literally a one-minute man. It was a good minute, but it was left me seriously unsatisfied and annoyed. After that one hook-up, things didn’t really pop off between us and he just became another notch on my bedpost.

Joe – This is a dude I met in November of 2006. He is an friend/rival of mine. I guess you could call him a frenemy. I like him sometimes and I absolutely can’t stand the dude at other times. He can be a real nice guy or shady as hell, depending on his mood . I don’t really trust him, but I keep him around for my own entertainment (at arms length of course). We became cool and started hanging out after we met, but in February of 2007, Joe disappeared on me. He stopped answering my calls and eventually his line was disconnected. I hadn’t yet been to his place, so I couldn’t go and check on him. At the time I thought this fool must have died or he got a boyfriend. Either way, I just said fuck it and kept it moving. Somehow (I can’t remember anymore) we reconnected in early 2008, at which point he told me the disappearing act was because he had been going through s0me hardcore bullshit with some dude he was dating. After he explained to me the shit the dude did(we’ll call him Pedo), I told him flat out to get rid of the dude. But of course, he said he was too in love with Pedo to let go. Whatever. After that, I went through a rough and crazy period myself and we kind of fell out of contact. We reconnected again in October of 2008 and decided to go get dinner so we could catch up.

Joe and I met up at ******’s and started catching up and what not over some drinks. He told me all of the bullshit he was still going through with Pedo. He also mentioned that sex with Pedo was garbage, so he had started fucking with this dude that his ex Will (oops hehe) had introduced him to. Joe started having sex with this new dude and was using that to cope with his crumbling relationship with Pedo. He started to describe the new dude and I was like damn he sounds sexy. Then he said the dude’s name was Tyrone and mentioned the fact that the dude couldn’t last in bed. Immediately, I told him that I knew a dude just like that with the same name. I told him where my Tyrone lived and what he drove and we both concluded that we had fucked the same dude.

Being that Joe is my frenemy, I made it seem like I had gotten bored with Tyrone and tossed him because he was a one-minute man (which isn’t quite how it happened). I was very dismissive and nonchalant about it, but I basically rubbed it Joe’s face that he was enjoying my sloppy seconds. I know he wasn’t exactly happy about the fact, even though he tried unsuccessfully to pretend that everything was cool. As the dinner went on, it also came up that Tyson was Joe’s ex. I was surprised at this and immediately let him know that me and Tyson had fucked numerous times. I also let Joe know that I had no idea Tyson even knew him. Since this was Joe’s ex, I didn’t try to rub it in his face, but I put everything on the table. He said he had no problem since they had broken up  before I met Tyson. He also told me that Tyson used to beat the shit out of him when they were together and had the scars on his face to prove it. I was thrown for a loop, because Tyson seemed very easy-going and didn’t look like the Chris Brown type at all.

Anyway, I could tell that Joe wasn’t entirely feeling the fact that I had fucked another dude he had been involved with. In fact, after that dinner, I noticed that he started acting shady and jealous. Anytime I would mention anybody I was talking to or fucking, he would quickly try to change the subject, when before he always wanted to know all of the details of it. He made it a point to text me everytime he was about to go fuck Tyrone or in the middle of fucking Tyrone. I didn’t sweat it, I would just reply back “hit me up in a minute when you’re done.” He would also text me to “complain” that Tyson (his ex) was hitting him up with raunchy messages.  It seemed innocent, but it was obvious Joe was trying to rub that shit in my face. Like I said, I could tell he wasn’t cool with the fact I had fucked 3 2 dudes he had messed with. Funny, considering he was the one that told me “everyone messes with everyone, so be careful.” I should also mention that Joe is a self-proclaimed light-skinned pretty boi (wtf is that?) and has a superiority complex because of that. He even told me that he knows a lot of dudes would be after him because he has light skin. Okaaaay. I’ve sometimes wondered whether his jealousy and shadiness are rooted in the fact that a dark-skinned dude like me was pulling just as many (and some of the same) dudes that he does.  Hmm, I guess I shouldn’t tell him that I fucked his other ex Will.  That would take our fucked-up, unspoken rivalry to a whole new level. More to come.

I’m still here..

Hey everyone, sorry that I’ve been M.I.A. Just been hella busy. I actually have a few posts I’m working on that are coming up so definitely stay tuned. In the meantime, check out this fine dude I came across while browsing online.

Just my type of dude. Enjoy.

If I ever again…

….mention that I’m talking to a stupid, lame, zit-faced, crazy, ignorant, dumb, slow, weedhead poser, you have my permission to beat my ass on sight. That is all.

My Sag Swag

I‘ve never really taken astrology and star signs seriously. However, when I started talking to dudes, that stuff would come up all the time. For some, it was just a conversation starter or light point of curiosity. For others, it seemed to be what they based their life decisions on. To each his own. I still don’t take astrology very seriously, but it can be fun to contemplate one’s personality traits and see how well they match up with your sign. I came across the following piece on Sagittarius (my sign) and highlighted in bold the stuff i think is the most accurate:

Somewhere between priest and clown, the Sagittarius man is always on the move with his heart on his sleeve. You might recognize him by his friendly gesture when he sees you across the room. Friendship and freedom are both indispensablefor the male Sagittarius.

Love
“Don’t fence me in” is the war cry of the Sagittarius male. To keep him in your sights, show an interest in adventure, sports, nature, outdoors, and big animals. His favorite subject is philosophy, and he likes to give advice. But you should be aware that despite his educated persona, he was really raised in a barn. Be prepared for him to knock his coffee cup over on your new carpet or trip on the way to meeting your parents for the first time. As a lover, your Sagittarius man will be friendly rather than ardent, casual rather than selective, and happy with just about anything as long as you don’t try to control him. Basically he likes to sweep all unpleasantness under the rug. You should, too. He’s got a happy life and prides himself on his sunny disposition. If a Sagittarius male thinks you’re going to bring him down, you’ll see how fast a four-legged creature can run.

Work
Sagittarius men are hard to pin down. They are usually found in careers that offer the maximum amount of freedom and vacation and a minimum amount of desk duty. Travel, recreation, summer camp, publishing, marketing, and sales are attractive to the Sagittarius man because he can come and go as he pleases. Sagittarius men as bosses are indifferent since they never wanted to be in charge anyway. The male Sagittarius employee will be hard to keep up with. What is he up to now? When is he coming back? Here is the guy who refuses to sign in and sign out because he does not want to be tracked. If you’re stuck supervising one, try not to take it too seriously because he never will. Give the Sagittarius man space to tell the truth and let him use his intuition. You may find his creativity and intuition a valuable asset.

Spirituality
“Zealot” describes the spiritual path of the Sagittarius men. Here is a seeker of truth looking for an intuitive experience of the divine. Because of his openness to being inspired, many a Sagittarius man is afire with messages from above and has a great deal of truth to share. Sagittarius men need to talk about their transcendental experiences (but should avoid trying to convert people).

Shadow
Think of the last arrogant, pompous, know-it-all you encountered. He probably had some afflicted Sagittarian energy. Sagittarius men are so smart they can begin to think that no one else knows anything. Their quest for the truth may end in an opinion, belief, or viewpoint that they must share with others and that others must share with them to the point that no other opinions will be tolerated. His love for freedom can lead him from one green pasture to the next. If the Sagittarius male is not careful to keep all four feet on the ground, his life will pass without him having ever made a commitment to anyone or anything.

Again, it’s crazy how accurate some of that description was. I’m curious about those of you who read my blog. What is your sign and how similar is your personality to the traits associated with that sign? In other words, are you a Pisces that really acts like a Pisces? Are you a Scorpio that doesn’t give a damn about sex? Please comment and let me know!

The Tangled Web We Weave

I used to live in a city where the gay population was relatively small, particularly the black gay population. During the years I lived there, I met a dude named Joe. Joe has lived in this particular city for his entire life, so he knows everyone and has messed with everyone.  One time I was talking to Joe and he was warning me to be careful of who I fuck with in this city because “everybody fucks with everybody here.” I told him not to worry because I had spaced out my numerous flings and hook-ups and was sure that the dudes I had fucked with didn’t even know each other. After all, I explained to him, the city wasn’t that small. I’m sure Joe must have been tickled pink (no pun) as he proceeded to shatter my dumb ass assertion with his knowledge of who had fucked who. After he finished giving me the scoop, I felt like a link in a big, long chain of fools. Based on Joe’s info (Joe is also part of this convoluted web), I came up with the following diagram:

Fig 1.1 - moody605's web of manwhoreness

A BLUE LINE means that the people involved talked or were friends,  a RED LINE means that the people fucked and a YELLOW LINE means that they were in a relationship. I had to leave a few individuals off because I ran out of space and I also didn’t show how some of these people are even related by blood. Yep….what a steaming, hot ass mess. All of us should just have a big orgy and get it over with (kinda semi-serious). So what did I learn from this, you ask? 1. I’m definitely a manwhore and 2. I’ll never live in a small city again. Ever.

Fred pt. 2

In my last post, I was talking about my friend/love interest, Fred. As I said, he recently started going to school in a nearby town after having lived out-of-state for a couple years. And as I also said, he’s doing something that is bugging me.

Fred goes to school in another town, but he comes to my city almost every weekend. He lives only 90 minutes away, and the town where he goes to school is boooring. Also, he was based here before moving out of state, so he knows a lot people here and frequently comes down here to chill. Which should be great for me, except I hardly ever see him. In the last 6 months since Fred started school in his nearby town, I’ve seen him about 3 times. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if Fred wasn’t down here almost every weekend. Last month, he was in town 3 weeks in a row and that fool didn’t even so much as hit me up. Not once. He called me yesterday and he mentioned that he was in town and even ran into this dude we both know named Venom. Venom is a dude that I hardly even know, but he’s notable for reasons I’ll get into another time. Anyway, I was kind of relieved that Fred told me that he had been coming to town; it meant that he wasn’t trying to hide shit or be shady. But at the same time, he didn’t call me! It didn’t even occur to him. I thought about calling him on it, but I didn’t want to seem clingy in any way, shape or form, so I let it be. In fact, I always do my best to act kind of nonchalant around Fred by spacing out calls, not answering immediately…shit like that. Seems kinda weird to do since I was just complaining that he didn’t call me, right?

Here’s the thing. I mentioned before that there was one time when Fred hugged me in gratitude for going to his boy(friend)’s going away party (didn’t like that boy, but that’s another story). Anyway, it was just your typical man-hug, nothing special. However, when he put his arm around me and I was hugged up close to him like that…..it just felt so good. No dude as ever made me feel like that. And it was that precise moment that made me know that Fred was more than just a good friend. I was falling for him.

Like I also mentioned, he moved away, came back, yada yada yada. I eventually got tired of suppressing my feelings, so I finally told just told him one day over the phone. Yada yada yada, he didn’t see me like that, etc. etc. didn’t want to lose my friendship etc. etc. wasn’t looking for a relationship. etc. He said that he had known for a while, but was waiting for me to come and tell him. I was kinda pissed at myself, because that means I didn’t do a good job of hiding it. He said he could tell because I seemed to take what he said really seriously and he caught the subtle change in my expression when a douchebag friend of suggested hooking Fred and Venom up. Yeah that shit pissed me off, but I’ll explain it some other time. Anyway, the cat was out of the bag. I felt relieved, but was disappointed that Fred didn’t feel the same way. But it was all good and still is.

So, for that reason, I try to maintain a chill vibe when I’m talking to Fred. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or mistakenly convey that I’m bitter about him rejecting me. I’m not. However, the friend in me (and the lover in me) wish we could kick it more. I think that would make it easier to get over him. Good thing is that when he called me yesterday, he hinted that he kinda wanted me to call more (as a friend). So it feels good to know that our friendship is still on track despite him moving and me telling him that I like him etc etc. Anyway, that’s enough about Fred for now. But stay tuned…you’ll definitely be hearing more about Fred in the future.

Fred pt 1.

I have a friend who I’ll call Fred. I started talking to Fred in May of 2006 on that cave of wonders known as a4a. We clicked instantly and eventually met up and started hanging out on a regular basis. Looking back, we had a lot of fun together that summer. At the time, I had only been messin’ with dudes for a few months, so I would often ask him for advice about different situations. He was a few years older and more experienced, so he had a lot of wisdom to share. When I had an HIV scare, he was the first person I called. He was basically the older brother I never had. I looked up to him and respected him.

He also seemed to have a lot respect for me. One time he invited me over to his place and we were talking and eventually got on the topic of stalkers and pesky friends. He mentioned that only a select few were privileged enough to come over to his place. He may not have even realized it, but that comment made me feel hella good. I’ll never forget the way he hugged me one day when we were coming back from a party. It was an innocent hug, but it started something in me which continues to this day. But that’s another post.

Fred moved out of state for work in late 2007. I was kinda bummed, but we stayed in touch and he would come to town every now and again and we would kick it. At the end of last year, Fred moved back to this state to do grad school in another town that’s about 90 minutes away from where I live (large U.S. city). Fred and I have kept up the friendship and are still cool, but there’s something that he’s been doing that is really starting to get on my nerves…..To be continued

Just my type…

I’m not usually one to gush over a dude, but DAAAAAAAAMN.